Fifty Shades: From Baby Boom to Rope Shortage?

Fifty Shades : From Baby Boom to Rope Shortage?

Could this erotic trilogy be causing a virtual baby boom?   Not to mention an apparent shortage of certain rope in the United States?   The first of these queries was recently posed to me by an interviewer for Parent Magazine.  It piqued my interest into the possibility that this steamy, erotic novel is awakening women’s desire from water coolers to book club groups, and boardrooms to bedrooms.

 

Are Baby Boomers having more sex because of Fifty Shades of Grey? …

Yes,  according to Babycenter.com, a large online community of moms and expectant moms, over 150 women have posted that their pregnancies were directed related to sex inspired activity by the best selling trilogy.  The Huffington Post adds that an increasing number of women are reporting more spontaneity and frequency of sexual encounters (1).  Depending on whether contraception is being used, more pregnancies may be occurring due to the increased…More enthusiasm and creativity is entering the bedroom, not only leading to more conceptions, but also a boom in the sales of sex toys.  According to Lisa Lawless, Ph.D, creator of Holistic Wisdom website, “Women and men are benefiting from these books as it is allowing them to consider sexual creativity and exploration in ways that they perhaps had not considered.”(2)

 

Are Men interested in Fifty Shades? — Fifty Shades Too Boring?

According to a recent survey in the Village Voice, Fifty Shades of Grey: Do Dudes Even Care About E.L. James’ Steamy Trilogy?, the resounding answer was “no”. (3) One response from a 34 year-old business owner, summed it up.  “My wife is reading it right now.  I have no idea how it’s affecting our sex life.  I don’t know if it’s impacted it at all.  Maybe you should ask her.” Yet other sites have claimed that men are reaping the sexual benefits of their partner’s increased sexual desire, while not specifically reading the book themselves.

For those men who might not be so inclined to download it on their Kindle or i-pad, a special, shortened version  is available. Tom Paolangeli is the author of “A Guy’s Secret Guide to Fifty Shades of Grey”, a cliff note version of the original book by E.L.James written from a man’s perspective.   He advises, “Trust me – you do not want to read the book. It was written by a woman, for women. Most guys will find it dull, stupid, tiresome and waaaay too long. The ratio of tedious inner female monologue to sex scenes is about fifty shades of boring to one.”  But he also that by reading a few sections of the book, “…your odds of having hot sex with your sweetie will go up exponentially…” (4)

What does Dr. Oz think?

Recently, Dr. Oz offered his opinion regarding the impact of the E.L. James’ blockbuster trilogy.  “She has gotten people talking about sex in a way that no one else could get them to talk about it…. What it is about is people having an honest conversation about what sex should be like, what makes it feel better, what are the timing issues, how do we make it an important issue in our life rather than an afterthought.”

Well, Dr. Oz, I thought that was what my book, Healthy Sex Drive, Healthy You: What Your Libido Reveals About Your Life, was supposed to do!  Perhaps my book took on a too clinical and practical approach rather than a bondage and submission angle.  Maybe then my book would be on the New York best seller list, too.   Brings back vague memories of how I should have bought Starbuck’s stock back in the early 1990’s.

When will this “Fifty Shades” bonanza end? 

Not anytime soon.   Apparently, a movie series is in the making with the cast being set as we speak.  In addition, E L. James has chosen a company in the United Kingdom, Caroline Mickler Ltd, as the global licensing agent for merchandise based on her racy books with a line of Fifty-Shades’ based lingerie/sleepwear, apparel, fragrances, beauty products, bedding , etc.”.(5)    Sales of sex toys are sky-rocketing, including the sale of rope.

According to the New York Post, New York hardware stores have seen a run on sales of rope, and other bondage gear, bought by female fans of Fifty Shades (6).  Watch out for the soon-to-be shortage of  hand-cuffs and riding crops!!

Share your views on the book.   

Feel free to use an alias or your initials with your post.  It’s a tender topic and I respect your views and candor.

Has it impacted your sex life?  If so, in what way?

Has the frequency of sex increased for you and your partner?

Has your partner read it?

Citations:

1)   www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/26/fifty-shades-of-grey-names_n_1707842.html

2)   www.holisticwisdom.com/fifty-shades-james-sex-toys-bondage.htm.

3)   www.villagevoice.com/runninscared/2012/07/fifty_shades_of_gre_men_react.php

4)   www.amazon.com/Secret-Guide-Fifty-Shades-ebook/dp/8008080RDFRU

5)   www.theadvocate.com/utility/homepagestories/2675013-129/men-are-fans-too-of

6)  www.nypost.com/p/news/local/ny_gals_learning_the_ropes_at_fifty_sVWWKeksj9WKUto2ITg/KK

 


Where is YOUR “Red Room”?

Where is your “red room”?

If you could fantasize about having a hot, sexy encounter anywhere in the world, where would it be?

My last blog highlighted the nation’s infatuation with the female erotic novel, Fifty Shades of Grey. In this romantic novel, the virginal female protagonist, Anastasia Grey, engages in sexual encounters with the gorgeous, multifaceted male hero, Christian Grey. In his house, Christian and Anastasia explore the boundaries of their sexual relationship in a small, ….. coined, “ the red room”.

And while we might fantasize about having a “red room” built into our own homes, where else would you dream about fueling the fires of desire?

Can you guess what the #1 place was for women? For men?

An intriguing study, recently done by the Durex Corporation, posed this exact question to 1,000 American adults, ages 18 and older, between March 16- March 23, 2012. Interestingly, the Durex Corporation manufactures condoms and conducts multiple titillating trials on sexual health every year. In this particular study, called the InSync Study, the top tryst sites to “get it on” were surveyed.

What was the number one place for women? The Eifel Tower! Yes, the highest percentage of women interviewed, 33 percent, fantasized about a sexual rendezvous at this romantic icon nestled in the heart of Paris.

For men? Amazingly, the White House! Thirty-one percent of the men polled chose the site associated with extreme power — and where some of our past presidents have even engaged in romantic interludes.

How can we explain these results? Interestingly, quite easily. Women, in general, love romance. Just imagine hearing the sweet sound of French music playing in the background, the smell of….in the air, the slight breeze brushing across your cheeks, the taste of his gentle kiss as you both gaze upon the river Seine. Wow, even I was being carried away with that one!!

For men, sexual fantasy is more about power. The White House is the ultimate symbol of authority, respect and command of our nation.

Why do we fantasize about having sex in mysterious places? Because too many of our sex lives are in a “rut” and need some major resuscitation! In fact, half of Americans interviewed in this same study were dissatisfied with their bedroom escapades. Of respondents interviewed, 37% admitted that their intimate time ends far too quickly. On the flip side, 14% revealed that sex lasts longer than they would like.

Some good news…

Even before Fifty Shades of Grey hit the shelves and heated women’s sexual desires across the country, Americans were already becoming more adventurous in the bedroom. According to another study by Durex, called the Durex Global Sexual Wellbeing Survey , which interviewed over 29,000 adults, aged 18 and older, between Sept 6 and October 3, 2011, American couples are actually trying new things to spice it up and get more “in sync” in the bedroom. These included using new types of lubricants (53%), adult toys and aids (39%), and rings (11%).

Can’t fly to Paris or Washington, D.C.? Or build your own red room?

Well, here are some places to heat things up in your home.

Top 5 places to have sex – around the house!
1. In the shower. Lathering each other with body wash can get you both incredibly squeaky clean as well as get you feeling sensuous.
2. In the bath tub. If the shower sounds a bit too acrobatic, run a bubble bath, soak in the wonderful…. And give each other a foot massage. Then feel free to massage other places.
3. In the kitchen. Remember the scene from “The Mailman Always Rings Twice”? Maybe while cooking up a delicious meal with your honey, sipping a glass of wine, slowly stirring the garlic simmering in the olive oil… you get the drift!
4. In the backyard. Just make sure that there are some trees or other shrubs to obstruct your neighbor’s view!
5. In the laundry room… think spin cycle.

Citations:
1) InSync Study, Durex Corporation, http://www.prnewswire.com/news-releases/durex-survey-reveals-what-americans-really-want-in-the-bedroom-149464045.html
2) Durex Global Sexual Wellbeing Survey: http://www.durex.com/en-ca/sexualwellbeingsurvey.

One Step Closer to a “Female Viagra”?

We’ve all seen the commercials for the little blue pill, Viagra. Men jumping for joy while the song , “We are the Champions”, by Queen, is blasting in the background. Ever wonder why the little blue pill that has worked wonders for male sexual dysfunction never made it into a little “pink” pill?

Well, new research led by a team of researchers at Pfizer’s labs in England, using a novel prototype drug may pave the way for discovering more about the mechanisms underlying female sexual arousal and developing a “female Viagra”. (1),

It is estimated that approximately 40% of women experience some type of sexual disorder, with desire and arousal being the most common (2,3). At present there is not a single US FDA approved medication for treatment of sexual problems in women. When Pfizer initially marketed Viagra for men, there were high hopes that Viagra, sildenafil citrate, would work as effectively for women and represent the “Holy Grail” that many pharmaceutical companies were vying to find.

The Advent of the “Blue Pill”

Viagra was initially developed by British scientists and brought to market by Pfizer, becoming available in 1998. Since this time, sildenafil has been the primary treatment for erectile dysfunction in men. Viagra works by increasing blood flow, or vasocongestion, in the erectile tissue located in the penis. For those biochemists out there, the mechanism of action involves the protection of cyclic guanosine monophosphate (cGMP) from being metabolized by a certain enzyme, phosphodiesterase type 5, leading to smooth muscle relaxation and increased inflow of blood into the spongy tissue of the penis, causing an erection (4).

What did studies in women taking Viagra find?

Definitely not the same results as in men! One large study involved premenopausal and postmenopausal women with female sexual arousal disorder comparing 10-100 mg sildenafil with matching placebo. Unfortunately, there was no perceived difference in improvement of sexual response in the women in the Viagra compared to placebo (5). Other studies also confirmed these findings.

So how are we a step closer to a “female Viagra”?
A research group led by Chris Wayman at the Pfizer lab found that electrically stimulating the pelvic nerve increases blood flow to the genitalia and that by using a prototype drug ( UK-414, 498) this effect was enhanced. The drug which was tested on rabbits and found increased blood flow specifically to the genitalia. The key component is that arousal was initially stimulated in the female rabbits and then the drug was administered. “The drug would not create arousal out of nowhere, however, would boost blood flow when accompanied by desire and sexual stimulation”, said Wayman.

According to Sheryl Kingsberg at Case Medical Center in Cleveland, this new discovery will help only a minority of women who have diagnosable arousal disorders, approximately 5% of women (6). “This is the closest thing out there to Viagra for women, but the problem is that a Viagra-like effect will not solve the majority of sexual dysfunction cases in women. In contrast to men in whom erections have played a huge role in sexual health, for women arousal is not the key problem, desire is.”

Though the prototype itself is unlikely to become a drug according to Wayman, “Testing the drug has helped to defog the mystery behind Female Sexual Arousal Disorder.”So we are left with the million dollar question of how to increase desire in women.

As we know female sexual response is complex and can’t be flipped on like a light switch. It’s more like a complex control panel.

Presently, researchers are investigating specific medications which work “above the belt” in women, targeting areas in the brain responsible for desire…because for women, the main sexual organ is the brain!

In the meantime, start doing your own research.

What make you feel more desire?
What makes you feel more desirable?

I believe that “you first need to feel desirable — to then have desire- “

Citations:
1. Wayman, CP. et al. UK-414,495, a selective inhibitor of neutral endopeptidase, potentiates pelvic nerve-stimulated increases in female genital blood flow in the anaesthetized rabbit. British Journal of Pharmacology. 2010; May: 160 (1): 51-59.

2. Laumann, EO. et al. Sexual Dysfunction in the United States: Prevalence and Predictors. JAMA, 1999; 281 (6): 537 -544.

3. Laumann, EO et al. A population- based survey of sexual activity, sexual problems and associated help-seeking behavior patterns in mature adults in the United States of America. Int.J. Impot. Res. 2009; May-June: 21(3): 171-178.
4. Webb, DJ et al. Sildenafil citrate and blood-pressure lowering drugs : results of drug interaction studies with an organic nitrate and a calcium antagonist. Am. J. Cardiol, 1999; 83: (5A): 21C – 28C.

5. Basson, R. et al. Efficacy and safety of sildenafil citrate in women associated with female sexual arousal disorder. Journal of Women’s Health and Gender-Based Medicine. 2002;11:367-377.

6. Are We a Step Closer to a Viagra for Women? http://abcnews.go.com/Health/Wellness/viagra-women-female-sexual-dysfunction-spotlight.

Do women really hit a “sexual peak”?

Great question, right?

Well, almost 60 years after Dr. Alfred Kinsey released his renowned book, Sexual Behavior in the Human Female, the question still remains. Is there a set point for a woman’s sexual stride?

Many believe the set point has been “mid-thirties”. Ever wonder where this age point came from?
Read More

Menopause And Your Libido – Making The Most Of ‘The Change’

Did you know that statistics show the life expectancy of women in the US is over 82 years!  And while menopause can occur in women from their 40’s to 60’s… the average age of menopause in the US is 51.4 years.This means that over a THIRDof your life will be following this “change”!

Think about that…
Read More

Letter from a reader: Which scents will boost my and my wife’s libido?

photo credit: MrBG

Subject:  A Little Help Please

Hello,

I am asking for a little help in boosting my libido, and helping my wife get in the mood through fragrances in the bedroom.  Any advice or ideas would be appreciated.  Thank you.

W


Hello W -

Thank you for your email.  I’m glad you wrote as I do have some suggestions that I think will help you and your wife…

Researchers at the Smell and Taste Treatment Research Foundation in Chicago have conducted trials to gauge women’s sexual response to certain scents.  By measuring the blood flow to the vagina, various odors were tested to evaluate arousal.  You might be surprised at what they found!  Among those scents found to increase
Read More

Can I use my husband’s Viagra?

photo credit: Paul-in-London

If your partner’s doctor diagnoses him with erectile dysfunction, he may be prescribed a medication such as Viagra.  While this little blue pill has done wonders for men, it has not panned out to be a panacea for women.  For men, Viagra causes smooth muscle relaxation, which increases blood flow to the penis, allowing it to engorge and become erect.  In women, the issue with
Read More

Lost your mojo? 5 ways to re-ignite those flames of desire.

photo credit: Herval

Has your sex life taken a dive even though you are still interested in your partner?  You are not alone.  According to the recent 2009 Sex, Romance, and Relationships Survey released by the AARP in May 2010, people’s sex drives have been dropping at an alarming rate(1).  The study, which included a random sample of 1,670 American men and women aged 45 and older, reveals some intriguing findings.  Between 2004 and 2009, the percentage of people in the 50s who say they have sex once a week dove nearly 10 points for both sexes (women dropped from 43 to 32% and men from 49 to 41%).  Other age groups also show similar decreases.

One alarming statistic of this survey shows how sex has definitely “cooled down” for many menopausal women.  Approximately 1 in 5 women in their 50s say they’d be quite happy to never have sex again.  About 1 in 50 men in their 50s agree.

Every day in my gynecological practice, I see perimenopausal and menopausal women concerned about their lost desire, or the “urge to merge” as I like to call it.

Let me share 5 ways that you can re-ignite those flames of desire:
Read More

How often do American couples have sex?

How frequently do couples have sex?
What is typical?

photo credit: nicolaia

There is no such thing as “typical” in this case.   Every woman’s desire varies during certain times in her life, within different relationships, and within different cultures.   According to the 2007/2008 Durex Global Sex Survey, couples in Greece have the most sex, approximately
Read More