Where is YOUR “Red Room”?

Where is your “red room”?

If you could fantasize about having a hot, sexy encounter anywhere in the world, where would it be?

My last blog highlighted the nation’s infatuation with the female erotic novel, Fifty Shades of Grey. In this romantic novel, the virginal female protagonist, Anastasia Grey, engages in sexual encounters with the gorgeous, multifaceted male hero, Christian Grey. In his house, Christian and Anastasia explore the boundaries of their sexual relationship in a small, ….. coined, “ the red room”.

And while we might fantasize about having a “red room” built into our own homes, where else would you dream about fueling the fires of desire?

Can you guess what the #1 place was for women? For men?

An intriguing study, recently done by the Durex Corporation, posed this exact question to 1,000 American adults, ages 18 and older, between March 16- March 23, 2012. Interestingly, the Durex Corporation manufactures condoms and conducts multiple titillating trials on sexual health every year. In this particular study, called the InSync Study, the top tryst sites to “get it on” were surveyed.

What was the number one place for women? The Eifel Tower! Yes, the highest percentage of women interviewed, 33 percent, fantasized about a sexual rendezvous at this romantic icon nestled in the heart of Paris.

For men? Amazingly, the White House! Thirty-one percent of the men polled chose the site associated with extreme power — and where some of our past presidents have even engaged in romantic interludes.

How can we explain these results? Interestingly, quite easily. Women, in general, love romance. Just imagine hearing the sweet sound of French music playing in the background, the smell of….in the air, the slight breeze brushing across your cheeks, the taste of his gentle kiss as you both gaze upon the river Seine. Wow, even I was being carried away with that one!!

For men, sexual fantasy is more about power. The White House is the ultimate symbol of authority, respect and command of our nation.

Why do we fantasize about having sex in mysterious places? Because too many of our sex lives are in a “rut” and need some major resuscitation! In fact, half of Americans interviewed in this same study were dissatisfied with their bedroom escapades. Of respondents interviewed, 37% admitted that their intimate time ends far too quickly. On the flip side, 14% revealed that sex lasts longer than they would like.

Some good news…

Even before Fifty Shades of Grey hit the shelves and heated women’s sexual desires across the country, Americans were already becoming more adventurous in the bedroom. According to another study by Durex, called the Durex Global Sexual Wellbeing Survey , which interviewed over 29,000 adults, aged 18 and older, between Sept 6 and October 3, 2011, American couples are actually trying new things to spice it up and get more “in sync” in the bedroom. These included using new types of lubricants (53%), adult toys and aids (39%), and rings (11%).

Can’t fly to Paris or Washington, D.C.? Or build your own red room?

Well, here are some places to heat things up in your home.

Top 5 places to have sex – around the house!
1. In the shower. Lathering each other with body wash can get you both incredibly squeaky clean as well as get you feeling sensuous.
2. In the bath tub. If the shower sounds a bit too acrobatic, run a bubble bath, soak in the wonderful…. And give each other a foot massage. Then feel free to massage other places.
3. In the kitchen. Remember the scene from “The Mailman Always Rings Twice”? Maybe while cooking up a delicious meal with your honey, sipping a glass of wine, slowly stirring the garlic simmering in the olive oil… you get the drift!
4. In the backyard. Just make sure that there are some trees or other shrubs to obstruct your neighbor’s view!
5. In the laundry room… think spin cycle.

Citations:
1) InSync Study, Durex Corporation, http://www.prnewswire.com/news-releases/durex-survey-reveals-what-americans-really-want-in-the-bedroom-149464045.html
2) Durex Global Sexual Wellbeing Survey: http://www.durex.com/en-ca/sexualwellbeingsurvey.

Sweaty T-shirts and sexual chemistry? Could it be “love at first… scent”?

Maybe it’s not similar interests, looks, horoscope signs or proximity that make men and women fall madly in love., but actually their body smell. Scientists specializing in the field of evolutionary psychology have long known the dramatic effect of pheromones in sexual attraction. Pheromones are subtle chemical signals released in the air which draw pairs of the same species together.

In mice, experiments showed that pheromones acted as attractants between male and females who were genetically similar except that they differed in a certain set of genes, known as the major histocompatibility complex (MHC)(1). This complex plays a key role in immune function. Individuals with different MHC’s would produce offspring with a stronger, more resilient immune system, thus conferring a distinct survival advantage.

What about in humans, who aren’t particularly known for their keen sense of smell? Could females sniff out the scent of their potential sexual partners?

A recent research study done by Swiss zoologist, Claus Wedekind, answered this question (2). In his “sweaty T-shirt” experiment, he recruited volunteers, 49 women and 44 men based on their distinct MHC gene types. He gave all of the male volunteers clean t-shirts to wear for two nights and then instructed them to be returned. In the laboratory, the T-shirts were placed in individual boxes equipped with a smelling hole and asked each female volunteer to sniff the boxes and rate the odor as to intensity, pleasantness, and sexiness.

The results were striking! Women overwhelmingly preferred the scent of T-shirts worn by the men whose MHC differed from their own and described them as the most “sexy”. The T-shirts worn by the males with similar MHC profiles were rated as “fatherly” or “brotherly” — definitely not “relationship” material.

Interestingly, in this same study, women taking the birth control pill did not show this same preference for different MHC genotypes. The theory is that the pill generates a physiological state similar to pregnancy, thereby inhibiting ovulation and hormones produced by the ovary during each menstrual cycle. Pill-users preference for MHC-similar scents turned out not to be a mate preference, but instead a preference of the smell of genetic relatives who would help them from a nepotistic perspective rather than a reproductive one.

In fact, through interviews of hundreds of patients, I have found that those in the happiest relationships with most satisfying sex lives actually crave the smell of their partner. Not only is it their physical appearance or personality that attracts them, but also the distinct smell of their body that gets the sexual juices flowing.

Here are three tips to put the power of scent back into your sex life!

1) Take a good whiff of some of his clothes, like his t-shirt or sweatshirt.
How does it make you feel? Do you think arousing thoughts or think he needs to immediately get his laundry done? Many women feel comfortable and safe when wearing their partner’s shirts because they are picking up his scent, whether it’s conscious or unconscious.

2) Experiment with some scent-sational aphrodisiacs.

Recent studies conducted by the Smell and Taste Research Foundation in Chicago found some powerful smells to boost his arousal (3). Specifically, the combined scent of lavender and pumpkin pie, as well as donuts and black licorice, increased blood flow to the penis by nearly 40 percent! Buy some pumpkin pie spice or lavender candles and place them around the house… and see how the sparks fly!

3) Smell-train your partner.

In general, women have a keener sense of smell than men. By wearing certain scents which your partner enjoys, he will be more attentive. An interesting cue that could subtly tell him that you’re in the mood, would be to put a few dabs of your favorite perfume on the nape of your neck and behind your ears. When he picks up this scent, he’ll know that all systems are go!
Questions for reflection:

• So what scent turns you on?
• What turns your partner on?

Experiment with various combinations of smells and create your own signature relationship smell.

Please share your findings with me and the other readers. ..Who knows, maybe your “scent” suggestions will spark up someone else’s presently dormant sex life!

Citations:
1. Yamazaki, K., Yamaguchi, M., Baranoski, L., Bard, J., Boyse, E.A. & Thomas, L. (1979). Journal of Experimental Medicine, 150: 755-760.
2. Wedekind, C., Seebeck.T., Bettens, F. & Paepke, AJ., (1995). MHC-Dependent Mate Preferences in Humans. Proceedings of the Royal Society of London, Series B: Biological Sciences, vol. 260 (n. 1359): 245-249.
3. http://www.senseofsmell.org/sosi-bookshelf-detail.php?value=Sensuality&cat=Sensuality

Chocolate: The Aphrodisiac with Startling Health Benefits!

Yes! Chocolate is actually GOOD for you! (not to mention its ability to spice up your life in the bedroom)

For centuries, chocolate has been claimed to be an aphrodisiac, fueling libido. In fact, the early Aztecs in approximately 1100 BC were the first on record to draw a link between the cocoa bean and increased sexual desire.
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Spicing It UP! In the kitchen and bedroom!

Sizzle with  these scents – Cinnamon and pumpkin spice!
Thanksgiving is right around the corner so make sure to have plenty of cinnamon and pumpkin spice in the kitchen.

Why?

According to Alan Hirsch, M.D., director at the Smell and Taste Treatment Research Foundation in Chicago, the smell of certain foods can be particularly arousing.  In Hirsch’s study of 31 men between the ages of 18 and 64, using 30 scents and 46 test odors to evaluate sexual response, he found that the greatest increase in arousal in men occurred with the combination of lavender and pumpkin pie.  Second was doughnut (cinnamon)/ and black licorice with pumpkin pie/doughnut coming in third.

Differences were also seen depending on men’s ages and characteristics.  In general, older men preferred the smell of vanilla more than younger men.  Men who stated that they were having the best sex lives tended to prefer a strawberry scent.  Those who claimed to have intercourse the most frequently liked lavender, Oriental spice and cola.  Interestingly, and in contrast to women, men responded positively to every odor that was tested.

Why do men and women respond differently to various scents?

There are many theories.  Certain odors, foods, and scents can remind us of past experiences and events.  Perhaps certain scents bring back happy memories, while others induce negative sensations, making us less receptive to sexual feelings.

So this holiday season, experiment a little with scent with your partner.  Find the scents that make you happy, bring back fond memories, and make you feel more amorous.

Here are some ideas for using scent to spark your desire:

1)   Think about scents from your childhood or from places you love.  Recreate them and assess their effect on you.

2)   Experiment with different fruit scents and tastes, such as a slice of strawberry or a piece of banana.  What type of reaction does this bring up for you or your partner?

3)   Try various essential oils, scented candles or massage lotions in the bedroom.

4)   Cook with your partner.  Cooking stirs up almost all of the senses – the sight of the rainbow of colors of a fresh vegetable tray; the feel of butter and flour in your hands when kneading a soft, pliable pastry dough; the aroma of sizzling garlic in a pan with extra virgin olive oil; the taste and sensation of a piece of dark chocolate melting on your tongue.  And of course, by murmuring “sweet nothings” in your partner’s ear while cooking, you’ll activate the “hearing sense,” too!

What are some scents that “work” for you and your partner? Please leave me a comment and let me know how you used some of these scents to spice up YOUR holiday!

Aphrodisiacs in History – part 1

aphrodite.free

Aphrodite, the Greek goddess of love, thought that sparrows were sacred, and therefore the ancient Greeks considered sparrows to be especially lustful. Because of this association, Europeans would eat sparrows, especially their brains, as aphrodisiacs.

The ancient Roman physician Galen said that foods worked as aphrodisiacs if they were “windy”, meaning they produced flatulence! Galen theorized that a “wind” inflated the penis, causing an erection, so any food that made one gassy could give a man an erection.

Ancient drawings have shown hunters eating the testicles of animals that they killed. It is believed that the men hoped to take on the characteristics of that animal, including its virility.


photo credit: tomasland

Aphrodisiacs in History – part 2

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Where else can you find mention of aphrodisiacs throughout history? Well, the Bible even includes references to aphrodisiacs! In Genesis 30:14-16, Leah and Rachel, two of Jacob’s wives, go to the fields to collect mandrake root, believed to have aphrodisiac powers because of its somewhat humanlike shape.

Many substances are believed to be aphrodisiacs because of the Doctrine of Similars, constructed by Paracelsus (1493-1541). He said that diseases could be cured by plants or materials that physically resembled the organ or condition being treated. That’s why many animal horns (shaped like the penis) and even bananas were thought to treat sexual disorders and increase desire.