Fifty Shades: From Baby Boom to Rope Shortage?

By Diana Leave a Comment

Fifty Shades : From Baby Boom to Rope Shortage?

Could this erotic trilogy be causing a virtual baby boom?   Not to mention an apparent shortage of certain rope in the United States?   The first of these queries was recently posed to me by an interviewer for Parent Magazine.  It piqued my interest into the possibility that this steamy, erotic novel is awakening women’s desire from water coolers to book club groups, and boardrooms to bedrooms.

 

Are Baby Boomers having more sex because of Fifty Shades of Grey? …

Yes,  according to Babycenter.com, a large online community of moms and expectant moms, over 150 women have posted that their pregnancies were directed related to sex inspired activity by the best selling trilogy.  The Huffington Post adds that an increasing number of women are reporting more spontaneity and frequency of sexual encounters (1).  Depending on whether contraception is being used, more pregnancies may be occurring due to the increased…More enthusiasm and creativity is entering the bedroom, not only leading to more conceptions, but also a boom in the sales of sex toys.  According to Lisa Lawless, Ph.D, creator of Holistic Wisdom website, “Women and men are benefiting from these books as it is allowing them to consider sexual creativity and exploration in ways that they perhaps had not considered.”(2)

 

Are Men interested in Fifty Shades? — Fifty Shades Too Boring?

According to a recent survey in the Village Voice, Fifty Shades of Grey: Do Dudes Even Care About E.L. James’ Steamy Trilogy?, the resounding answer was “no”. (3) One response from a 34 year-old business owner, summed it up.  “My wife is reading it right now.  I have no idea how it’s affecting our sex life.  I don’t know if it’s impacted it at all.  Maybe you should ask her.” Yet other sites have claimed that men are reaping the sexual benefits of their partner’s increased sexual desire, while not specifically reading the book themselves.

For those men who might not be so inclined to download it on their Kindle or i-pad, a special, shortened version  is available. Tom Paolangeli is the author of “A Guy’s Secret Guide to Fifty Shades of Grey”, a cliff note version of the original book by E.L.James written from a man’s perspective.   He advises, “Trust me – you do not want to read the book. It was written by a woman, for women. Most guys will find it dull, stupid, tiresome and waaaay too long. The ratio of tedious inner female monologue to sex scenes is about fifty shades of boring to one.”  But he also that by reading a few sections of the book, “…your odds of having hot sex with your sweetie will go up exponentially…” (4)

What does Dr. Oz think?

Recently, Dr. Oz offered his opinion regarding the impact of the E.L. James’ blockbuster trilogy.  “She has gotten people talking about sex in a way that no one else could get them to talk about it…. What it is about is people having an honest conversation about what sex should be like, what makes it feel better, what are the timing issues, how do we make it an important issue in our life rather than an afterthought.”

Well, Dr. Oz, I thought that was what my book, Healthy Sex Drive, Healthy You: What Your Libido Reveals About Your Life, was supposed to do!  Perhaps my book took on a too clinical and practical approach rather than a bondage and submission angle.  Maybe then my book would be on the New York best seller list, too.   Brings back vague memories of how I should have bought Starbuck’s stock back in the early 1990’s.

When will this “Fifty Shades” bonanza end? 

Not anytime soon.   Apparently, a movie series is in the making with the cast being set as we speak.  In addition, E L. James has chosen a company in the United Kingdom, Caroline Mickler Ltd, as the global licensing agent for merchandise based on her racy books with a line of Fifty-Shades’ based lingerie/sleepwear, apparel, fragrances, beauty products, bedding , etc.”.(5)    Sales of sex toys are sky-rocketing, including the sale of rope.

According to the New York Post, New York hardware stores have seen a run on sales of rope, and other bondage gear, bought by female fans of Fifty Shades (6).  Watch out for the soon-to-be shortage of  hand-cuffs and riding crops!!

Share your views on the book.   

Feel free to use an alias or your initials with your post.  It’s a tender topic and I respect your views and candor.

Has it impacted your sex life?  If so, in what way?

Has the frequency of sex increased for you and your partner?

Has your partner read it?

Citations:

1)   www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/26/fifty-shades-of-grey-names_n_1707842.html

2)   www.holisticwisdom.com/fifty-shades-james-sex-toys-bondage.htm.

3)   www.villagevoice.com/runninscared/2012/07/fifty_shades_of_gre_men_react.php

4)   www.amazon.com/Secret-Guide-Fifty-Shades-ebook/dp/8008080RDFRU

5)   www.theadvocate.com/utility/homepagestories/2675013-129/men-are-fans-too-of

6)  www.nypost.com/p/news/local/ny_gals_learning_the_ropes_at_fifty_sVWWKeksj9WKUto2ITg/KK

 


Filed Under: Benefits, Brain Differences, Challenges, Communication, Decreased Libido, Drive, Drive Differences, Exercise, Feng Shui, Fun!, Life-Balance, Partner, Physical Issues, Self-Care, Sexercises, Stress, Stress Relief, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Where is YOUR “Red Room”?

By Diana 2 Comments

Where is your “red room”?

If you could fantasize about having a hot, sexy encounter anywhere in the world, where would it be?

My last blog highlighted the nation’s infatuation with the female erotic novel, Fifty Shades of Grey. In this romantic novel, the virginal female protagonist, Anastasia Grey, engages in sexual encounters with the gorgeous, multifaceted male hero, Christian Grey. In his house, Christian and Anastasia explore the boundaries of their sexual relationship in a small, ….. coined, “ the red room”.

And while we might fantasize about having a “red room” built into our own homes, where else would you dream about fueling the fires of desire?

Can you guess what the #1 place was for women? For men?

An intriguing study, recently done by the Durex Corporation, posed this exact question to 1,000 American adults, ages 18 and older, between March 16- March 23, 2012. Interestingly, the Durex Corporation manufactures condoms and conducts multiple titillating trials on sexual health every year. In this particular study, called the InSync Study, the top tryst sites to “get it on” were surveyed.

What was the number one place for women? The Eifel Tower! Yes, the highest percentage of women interviewed, 33 percent, fantasized about a sexual rendezvous at this romantic icon nestled in the heart of Paris.

For men? Amazingly, the White House! Thirty-one percent of the men polled chose the site associated with extreme power — and where some of our past presidents have even engaged in romantic interludes.

How can we explain these results? Interestingly, quite easily. Women, in general, love romance. Just imagine hearing the sweet sound of French music playing in the background, the smell of….in the air, the slight breeze brushing across your cheeks, the taste of his gentle kiss as you both gaze upon the river Seine. Wow, even I was being carried away with that one!!

For men, sexual fantasy is more about power. The White House is the ultimate symbol of authority, respect and command of our nation.

Why do we fantasize about having sex in mysterious places? Because too many of our sex lives are in a “rut” and need some major resuscitation! In fact, half of Americans interviewed in this same study were dissatisfied with their bedroom escapades. Of respondents interviewed, 37% admitted that their intimate time ends far too quickly. On the flip side, 14% revealed that sex lasts longer than they would like.

Some good news…

Even before Fifty Shades of Grey hit the shelves and heated women’s sexual desires across the country, Americans were already becoming more adventurous in the bedroom. According to another study by Durex, called the Durex Global Sexual Wellbeing Survey , which interviewed over 29,000 adults, aged 18 and older, between Sept 6 and October 3, 2011, American couples are actually trying new things to spice it up and get more “in sync” in the bedroom. These included using new types of lubricants (53%), adult toys and aids (39%), and rings (11%).

Can’t fly to Paris or Washington, D.C.? Or build your own red room?

Well, here are some places to heat things up in your home.

Top 5 places to have sex – around the house!
1. In the shower. Lathering each other with body wash can get you both incredibly squeaky clean as well as get you feeling sensuous.
2. In the bath tub. If the shower sounds a bit too acrobatic, run a bubble bath, soak in the wonderful…. And give each other a foot massage. Then feel free to massage other places.
3. In the kitchen. Remember the scene from “The Mailman Always Rings Twice”? Maybe while cooking up a delicious meal with your honey, sipping a glass of wine, slowly stirring the garlic simmering in the olive oil… you get the drift!
4. In the backyard. Just make sure that there are some trees or other shrubs to obstruct your neighbor’s view!
5. In the laundry room… think spin cycle.

Citations:
1) InSync Study, Durex Corporation, http://www.prnewswire.com/news-releases/durex-survey-reveals-what-americans-really-want-in-the-bedroom-149464045.html
2) Durex Global Sexual Wellbeing Survey: http://www.durex.com/en-ca/sexualwellbeingsurvey.

Filed Under: Aphrodisiacs, Attraction-Chemistry, Being Present (Focus), Benefits, Challenges, Communication, Communication, Decreased Libido, Drive, Drive Differences, Fun!, Mars-Venus, Physical Needs, Recommended Reading, Sexercises, Stress Relief Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

10 “Sexercises” to Help Keep You Fit… AND “In The Mood”

By Diana 1 Comment

Who doesn’t want to look and feel their best, especially in the bedroom? The trouble is, with our busy lives these days, we either don’t put aside enough time to work out -or- when we do, we stick to the stairmaster or some other BORING form of exercise… that “hardly” leaves us feeling very sexy.

But what if there was a magical workout that could help you burn calories AND leave you feeling more “in the mood” than when you started? Well, believe it or not… there is! In fact there are TONS of them…

According to Marianne Brandon, PhD, clinical psychologist and sex therapist in Annapolis, Md, and author of “Reclaiming Desire: 4 Keys to Finding Your Lost Libido, “Sexy workouts help us tune into our bodies in a sensual way, so we feel more receptive and more interested in sex.”

I’ve listed my 10 favorites below. I’ve organized them in order of what I thought was the most “modest” to the most “racy”, but feel free to explore all of the possibilities! I’ve also included the amount of calories burned with each.

Hula-Hooping – remember this great form of exercise for your hips and abdominals? This isn’t just for kids anymore… A thirty minute workout of hypnotic hip swivels and belly contractions can burn up to 250 calories!

Belly Dancing – The Middle Eastern message of this dancercise is to love your body no matter what shape or form it has. Slip on a slinky hip wrap and shake your pelvis to the lively Arabic music and burn as many as 150-200 calories in half an hour!

Salsa Lessons – this steamy Latin dance can burn 200 calories in half an hour. Put on a flirty dress, some fun heels and find a class in your neighborhood.
Zumba –this Colombian dance means “move fast” and I love this class at my gym. It has become a fitness craze across six continents and combines traditional aerobic moves, sassy Latin shimmies, and hip-hop inspired butt shaking. Depending on the intensity of the class, you can burn anywhere from 400 – 600 calories in a single 30-minute session… “Ay Carumba!”

Pole Dancing – This exercise is no longer just limited to the exotic dancers – it’s happening all around the country, including private studios and gym chains. These sessions involves lots of muscle training to contract the muscles to cling to the pole and swivel up and down to sultry beats. The right class can help you burn up to 350 calories in a one-hour session.

Aerial Acrobatics – remember watching Cirque de Soleil? If you’re not afraid of heights, this might be for you. By slinking along and grabbing bolts of hanging fabric you will be stretching and strengthening your way to a fitter, sexier body! And if you’re not ready to run off and join the circus… relax! Many local gyms offer trapeze classes which can be just as fun! Again, it will vary by class, but you can expect to burn around 300 calories in an hour session.

Bollywood Dance – high energy style dance inspired by Indian-inspired stories of romance and lost love. Burns up to 200 calories/half hour. Bollywood refers a term for the film industry started in the 1930’s in India, and is the contraction of Bombay (now Mumbai) and Hollywood and originally coined to disparage the film industry in India.

Chair Dancing – This risqué routine has recently been incorporated in pole dancing and sultry dance classes. By gyrating and jiggling all that you have, you will develop tighter abdominal muscles, quadriceps and hamstrings as well as gluteus muscles.

Naked Yoga – Yoga, with or without clothes, can open up the hips, thighs and pelvis, as well as strengthen the pelvic floor muscles which are important for more enjoyable sex and better orgasms. By shedding your clothes, you may find the practice of yoga more relaxing and calming – but even if you keep your clothes on, you can still expect to burn between 350 and 450 calories in an hour.

Strip aerobics ( cardio-striptease) – Carmen Electra made this one famous! But not to worry, you can be any size and shape to enjoy this exercise and not actually take all of your clothes off! Join a class where you can learn the stripper- like moves and steps , without even disrobing if you don’t want to. If you’re feeling more free and easy, slide on those fishnets and pop in a DVD at home – with or without your partner!

… have fun with it!

Filed Under: Fun!, Sexercises

Is it okay to fantasize about someone else during sex with your partner?

By Diana 1 Comment

Sometimes, you or your partner may need to fantasize about someone else to become aroused and stimulated.  More than four out of 10 Americans enjoy sexual fantasies and erotica to boost their libidos.  As with  most things in life, moderation is key.  If you are fantasizing about someone else every time you are with your partner in an intimate way, then there is a problem.  What needs to be explored is why you aren’t fantasizing about your partner.  Does your partner still stimulate you?  Are you still attracted to him?  His body?  His scent?  By not discussing these issues together, you are being dishonest with yourself and your partner regarding the true state of your relationship.

Filed Under: Challenges, Drive Differences, Faking It, Sexercises Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , ,

To watch porn or not to watch porn…there’s no right or wrong answer.

By Diana Leave a Comment

remote control-freephoto credit: SkyFire XII

Watching porn before, during, or after sex is becoming more and more common.

If porn is being used in a way to increase the connection between you and your partner, such as for foreplay or arousal, then this can be beneficial for your sexual relationship.

Some of my patients, however, have shared with me that the use of porn seems to be  potentially destructive to their relationships.  In general, if your partner is focused on the porn
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Filed Under: Communication, Drive Differences, Fun!, Sexercises Tagged With: , , , , , , ,