Fifty Shades: From Baby Boom to Rope Shortage?

Fifty Shades : From Baby Boom to Rope Shortage?

Could this erotic trilogy be causing a virtual baby boom?   Not to mention an apparent shortage of certain rope in the United States?   The first of these queries was recently posed to me by an interviewer for Parent Magazine.  It piqued my interest into the possibility that this steamy, erotic novel is awakening women’s desire from water coolers to book club groups, and boardrooms to bedrooms.

 

Are Baby Boomers having more sex because of Fifty Shades of Grey? …

Yes,  according to Babycenter.com, a large online community of moms and expectant moms, over 150 women have posted that their pregnancies were directed related to sex inspired activity by the best selling trilogy.  The Huffington Post adds that an increasing number of women are reporting more spontaneity and frequency of sexual encounters (1).  Depending on whether contraception is being used, more pregnancies may be occurring due to the increased…More enthusiasm and creativity is entering the bedroom, not only leading to more conceptions, but also a boom in the sales of sex toys.  According to Lisa Lawless, Ph.D, creator of Holistic Wisdom website, “Women and men are benefiting from these books as it is allowing them to consider sexual creativity and exploration in ways that they perhaps had not considered.”(2)

 

Are Men interested in Fifty Shades? — Fifty Shades Too Boring?

According to a recent survey in the Village Voice, Fifty Shades of Grey: Do Dudes Even Care About E.L. James’ Steamy Trilogy?, the resounding answer was “no”. (3) One response from a 34 year-old business owner, summed it up.  “My wife is reading it right now.  I have no idea how it’s affecting our sex life.  I don’t know if it’s impacted it at all.  Maybe you should ask her.” Yet other sites have claimed that men are reaping the sexual benefits of their partner’s increased sexual desire, while not specifically reading the book themselves.

For those men who might not be so inclined to download it on their Kindle or i-pad, a special, shortened version  is available. Tom Paolangeli is the author of “A Guy’s Secret Guide to Fifty Shades of Grey”, a cliff note version of the original book by E.L.James written from a man’s perspective.   He advises, “Trust me – you do not want to read the book. It was written by a woman, for women. Most guys will find it dull, stupid, tiresome and waaaay too long. The ratio of tedious inner female monologue to sex scenes is about fifty shades of boring to one.”  But he also that by reading a few sections of the book, “…your odds of having hot sex with your sweetie will go up exponentially…” (4)

What does Dr. Oz think?

Recently, Dr. Oz offered his opinion regarding the impact of the E.L. James’ blockbuster trilogy.  “She has gotten people talking about sex in a way that no one else could get them to talk about it…. What it is about is people having an honest conversation about what sex should be like, what makes it feel better, what are the timing issues, how do we make it an important issue in our life rather than an afterthought.”

Well, Dr. Oz, I thought that was what my book, Healthy Sex Drive, Healthy You: What Your Libido Reveals About Your Life, was supposed to do!  Perhaps my book took on a too clinical and practical approach rather than a bondage and submission angle.  Maybe then my book would be on the New York best seller list, too.   Brings back vague memories of how I should have bought Starbuck’s stock back in the early 1990’s.

When will this “Fifty Shades” bonanza end? 

Not anytime soon.   Apparently, a movie series is in the making with the cast being set as we speak.  In addition, E L. James has chosen a company in the United Kingdom, Caroline Mickler Ltd, as the global licensing agent for merchandise based on her racy books with a line of Fifty-Shades’ based lingerie/sleepwear, apparel, fragrances, beauty products, bedding , etc.”.(5)    Sales of sex toys are sky-rocketing, including the sale of rope.

According to the New York Post, New York hardware stores have seen a run on sales of rope, and other bondage gear, bought by female fans of Fifty Shades (6).  Watch out for the soon-to-be shortage of  hand-cuffs and riding crops!!

Share your views on the book.   

Feel free to use an alias or your initials with your post.  It’s a tender topic and I respect your views and candor.

Has it impacted your sex life?  If so, in what way?

Has the frequency of sex increased for you and your partner?

Has your partner read it?

Citations:

1)   www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/26/fifty-shades-of-grey-names_n_1707842.html

2)   www.holisticwisdom.com/fifty-shades-james-sex-toys-bondage.htm.

3)   www.villagevoice.com/runninscared/2012/07/fifty_shades_of_gre_men_react.php

4)   www.amazon.com/Secret-Guide-Fifty-Shades-ebook/dp/8008080RDFRU

5)   www.theadvocate.com/utility/homepagestories/2675013-129/men-are-fans-too-of

6)  www.nypost.com/p/news/local/ny_gals_learning_the_ropes_at_fifty_sVWWKeksj9WKUto2ITg/KK

 


Talking S-E-X With Your Doctor

When the last time your doctor asked you about sex?

Well, if you’ve been seen at my office, it was probably at your very last visit!

It is estimated that approximately 43% of women in the United States today are experiencing some form of sexual problem, with lack of sexual desire as the leading issue. Yet, in exam rooms across our nation, physicians are not bringing up the topic of sex with their patients.

According to a new University of Chicago survey of more than 1,000 obstetricians and gynecologists in the United States, less than half of the physicians asked their patients about any sexual problems or dysfunction (1). Only two-thirds asked how sexually active their patients are and less than one-third asked their patients about sexual satisfaction. Results of the study were published in Journal of Sexual Medicine with specific results highlighting only 63% routinely asked patients about their sexual activities, with 40% asking about sexual problems, 28.5% asked about sexual satisfaction and approximately 14% asked about pleasure with sexual activity ( 1 in 10 never asked this question at all).

The study’s senior author and associate professor at the University of Chicago Pritzker School of Medicine, Dr. Stacy Lindau, states “sexuality is a key component of a woman’s physical and
psychological health. Simply asking a patient if she’s sexually active does not tell us whether she has good sexual function or changes in her sexual function that could indicate an underlying problem.”

Which physicians are most likely to bring us sexual issues?

Female physicians were more likely than male physicians to discuss sexual activity as well as sexual orientation and identity with female patients. Physicians practicing solely gynecology and not providing obstetrical services were also more likely to screen for sexual dysfunction. Physicians aged 60 years and older were found to be the least likely to discuss a patient’s sexual orientation or identity compared to their younger colleagues ( 11% vs 28% of those aged 46-59 vs. 32% aged 45 or younger.)

According to researchers, about 25 percent of the doctors said they have expressed disapproval of patients’ sexual practices; these were primarily doctors who were foreign medical graduates or ones
who considered religion the most important part of their lives. Those who indicated a Roman Catholic religious affiliation were significantly less likely than others in the survey to ask patients about sexual activities.

Why don’t patients bring up the topic?

“Patients are often reluctant to bring up sexual difficulties because of fear the physician will be embarrassed or will dismiss their concerns,” lead study author Dr. Lindau said. “Doctors should be taking the lead.”

What if your doctor isn’t taking the lead and bringing up sex?

5 Tips for Talking Sex with Your Doctor

1. Acknowledge your discomfort. Start the conversation with being honest about your uneasiness with this topic.

2. Approach it from the health perspective. Sexual issues can signal a larger health problem, such as thyroid disorders, depression, hormonal changes or issues with medications.

3. Write down your questions before your visit. By preparing ahead of time, you won’t forget what you want to ask or feel flustered during the exam.

4. Don’t be rushed. If you’re asking your physician about sexual issues as he/she is leaving the exam room, there won’t be enough time to discuss your concerns. Make a separate
appointment if you need to allow adequate time for this conversation.

5. Find the right doctor. This might be the most challenging of all of these tips. Ideally, you want a physician whom you can confide in, feel comfortable asking questions of, and feel “listened to”. Also, this physician should have the appropriate knowledge regarding sexual issues to help you. A physician who dismisses your concerns or makes you feel ashamed is not the health partner you desire.

You deserve the best quality health care and doctor available – don’t settle for anything less!

Citations:

1. Journal of Sexual Medicine. “What we don’t talk about when we don’t talk about sex”. DOI:10.1111/j. 1743-6109.2012.02702.x
Janelle Sobecki, MA, et al, March 22, 2012.

Sweaty T-shirts and sexual chemistry? Could it be “love at first… scent”?

Maybe it’s not similar interests, looks, horoscope signs or proximity that make men and women fall madly in love., but actually their body smell. Scientists specializing in the field of evolutionary psychology have long known the dramatic effect of pheromones in sexual attraction. Pheromones are subtle chemical signals released in the air which draw pairs of the same species together.

In mice, experiments showed that pheromones acted as attractants between male and females who were genetically similar except that they differed in a certain set of genes, known as the major histocompatibility complex (MHC)(1). This complex plays a key role in immune function. Individuals with different MHC’s would produce offspring with a stronger, more resilient immune system, thus conferring a distinct survival advantage.

What about in humans, who aren’t particularly known for their keen sense of smell? Could females sniff out the scent of their potential sexual partners?

A recent research study done by Swiss zoologist, Claus Wedekind, answered this question (2). In his “sweaty T-shirt” experiment, he recruited volunteers, 49 women and 44 men based on their distinct MHC gene types. He gave all of the male volunteers clean t-shirts to wear for two nights and then instructed them to be returned. In the laboratory, the T-shirts were placed in individual boxes equipped with a smelling hole and asked each female volunteer to sniff the boxes and rate the odor as to intensity, pleasantness, and sexiness.

The results were striking! Women overwhelmingly preferred the scent of T-shirts worn by the men whose MHC differed from their own and described them as the most “sexy”. The T-shirts worn by the males with similar MHC profiles were rated as “fatherly” or “brotherly” — definitely not “relationship” material.

Interestingly, in this same study, women taking the birth control pill did not show this same preference for different MHC genotypes. The theory is that the pill generates a physiological state similar to pregnancy, thereby inhibiting ovulation and hormones produced by the ovary during each menstrual cycle. Pill-users preference for MHC-similar scents turned out not to be a mate preference, but instead a preference of the smell of genetic relatives who would help them from a nepotistic perspective rather than a reproductive one.

In fact, through interviews of hundreds of patients, I have found that those in the happiest relationships with most satisfying sex lives actually crave the smell of their partner. Not only is it their physical appearance or personality that attracts them, but also the distinct smell of their body that gets the sexual juices flowing.

Here are three tips to put the power of scent back into your sex life!

1) Take a good whiff of some of his clothes, like his t-shirt or sweatshirt.
How does it make you feel? Do you think arousing thoughts or think he needs to immediately get his laundry done? Many women feel comfortable and safe when wearing their partner’s shirts because they are picking up his scent, whether it’s conscious or unconscious.

2) Experiment with some scent-sational aphrodisiacs.

Recent studies conducted by the Smell and Taste Research Foundation in Chicago found some powerful smells to boost his arousal (3). Specifically, the combined scent of lavender and pumpkin pie, as well as donuts and black licorice, increased blood flow to the penis by nearly 40 percent! Buy some pumpkin pie spice or lavender candles and place them around the house… and see how the sparks fly!

3) Smell-train your partner.

In general, women have a keener sense of smell than men. By wearing certain scents which your partner enjoys, he will be more attentive. An interesting cue that could subtly tell him that you’re in the mood, would be to put a few dabs of your favorite perfume on the nape of your neck and behind your ears. When he picks up this scent, he’ll know that all systems are go!
Questions for reflection:

• So what scent turns you on?
• What turns your partner on?

Experiment with various combinations of smells and create your own signature relationship smell.

Please share your findings with me and the other readers. ..Who knows, maybe your “scent” suggestions will spark up someone else’s presently dormant sex life!

Citations:
1. Yamazaki, K., Yamaguchi, M., Baranoski, L., Bard, J., Boyse, E.A. & Thomas, L. (1979). Journal of Experimental Medicine, 150: 755-760.
2. Wedekind, C., Seebeck.T., Bettens, F. & Paepke, AJ., (1995). MHC-Dependent Mate Preferences in Humans. Proceedings of the Royal Society of London, Series B: Biological Sciences, vol. 260 (n. 1359): 245-249.
3. http://www.senseofsmell.org/sosi-bookshelf-detail.php?value=Sensuality&cat=Sensuality

The Bedroom-Libido Connection

What message is your bedroom sending?

Is it a place that invites open and intimate communication? 

Is it conducive to rest and relaxation?

Believe it or not, how you and your partner decorate your bedroom does in fact influence the quality of your sex life. The ancient Chinese principle of Feng Shui, placing certain objects and structures in a harmonious fashion as well as implementing colors, compass directions,  and natural elements like wood, minerals, fire, water and earth is thought to attract good energy and fortune. You can use the same principals to transform your bedroom into a romantic retreat – a “love shack”!

In order to preserve the bedroom as a sacred place for you and your partner, use it only for sleep and intimacy.  Avoid distractions such as computers, work materials, exercise equipment, or television. According to a recent study, “If there’s no television in the bedroom, the frequency of sexual
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Letter from a reader: Which scents will boost my and my wife’s libido?

photo credit: MrBG

Subject:  A Little Help Please

Hello,

I am asking for a little help in boosting my libido, and helping my wife get in the mood through fragrances in the bedroom.  Any advice or ideas would be appreciated.  Thank you.

W


Hello W -

Thank you for your email.  I’m glad you wrote as I do have some suggestions that I think will help you and your wife…

Researchers at the Smell and Taste Treatment Research Foundation in Chicago have conducted trials to gauge women’s sexual response to certain scents.  By measuring the blood flow to the vagina, various odors were tested to evaluate arousal.  You might be surprised at what they found!  Among those scents found to increase
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Can I use my husband’s Viagra?

photo credit: Paul-in-London

If your partner’s doctor diagnoses him with erectile dysfunction, he may be prescribed a medication such as Viagra.  While this little blue pill has done wonders for men, it has not panned out to be a panacea for women.  For men, Viagra causes smooth muscle relaxation, which increases blood flow to the penis, allowing it to engorge and become erect.  In women, the issue with
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Lost your mojo? 5 ways to re-ignite those flames of desire.

photo credit: Herval

Has your sex life taken a dive even though you are still interested in your partner?  You are not alone.  According to the recent 2009 Sex, Romance, and Relationships Survey released by the AARP in May 2010, people’s sex drives have been dropping at an alarming rate(1).  The study, which included a random sample of 1,670 American men and women aged 45 and older, reveals some intriguing findings.  Between 2004 and 2009, the percentage of people in the 50s who say they have sex once a week dove nearly 10 points for both sexes (women dropped from 43 to 32% and men from 49 to 41%).  Other age groups also show similar decreases.

One alarming statistic of this survey shows how sex has definitely “cooled down” for many menopausal women.  Approximately 1 in 5 women in their 50s say they’d be quite happy to never have sex again.  About 1 in 50 men in their 50s agree.

Every day in my gynecological practice, I see perimenopausal and menopausal women concerned about their lost desire, or the “urge to merge” as I like to call it.

Let me share 5 ways that you can re-ignite those flames of desire:
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Sex preserves vaginal health – use it or lose it!

“Use it or lose it” is literally true in the case of vaginal health!

Many studies in postmenopausal women have shown that they suffer less vaginal pain and atrophy, and less thinning of the vaginal lining, when they are having consistent sexual activity.  Vaginal atrophy can lead to vaginal dryness and itching, as well as urinary tract infections.  In women, sex increases blood flow to the vagina, keeping vaginal tissues more supple and lubricated – all of which can lead to less pain with intercourse as we age.

What do women and men look for in a long-term partner?

Any guesses as to which qualities men and women rank highest when looking for a long-term partner?

Women:
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Is it okay to fantasize about someone else during sex with your partner?

Sometimes, you or your partner may need to fantasize about someone else to become aroused and stimulated.  More than four out of 10 Americans enjoy sexual fantasies and erotica to boost their libidos.  As with  most things in life, moderation is key.  If you are fantasizing about someone else every time you are with your partner in an intimate way, then there is a problem.  What needs to be explored is why you aren’t fantasizing about your partner.  Does your partner still stimulate you?  Are you still attracted to him?  His body?  His scent?  By not discussing these issues together, you are being dishonest with yourself and your partner regarding the true state of your relationship.