Fifty Shades: From Baby Boom to Rope Shortage?

By Diana Leave a Comment

Fifty Shades : From Baby Boom to Rope Shortage?

Could this erotic trilogy be causing a virtual baby boom?   Not to mention an apparent shortage of certain rope in the United States?   The first of these queries was recently posed to me by an interviewer for Parent Magazine.  It piqued my interest into the possibility that this steamy, erotic novel is awakening women’s desire from water coolers to book club groups, and boardrooms to bedrooms.

 

Are Baby Boomers having more sex because of Fifty Shades of Grey? …

Yes,  according to Babycenter.com, a large online community of moms and expectant moms, over 150 women have posted that their pregnancies were directed related to sex inspired activity by the best selling trilogy.  The Huffington Post adds that an increasing number of women are reporting more spontaneity and frequency of sexual encounters (1).  Depending on whether contraception is being used, more pregnancies may be occurring due to the increased…More enthusiasm and creativity is entering the bedroom, not only leading to more conceptions, but also a boom in the sales of sex toys.  According to Lisa Lawless, Ph.D, creator of Holistic Wisdom website, “Women and men are benefiting from these books as it is allowing them to consider sexual creativity and exploration in ways that they perhaps had not considered.”(2)

 

Are Men interested in Fifty Shades? — Fifty Shades Too Boring?

According to a recent survey in the Village Voice, Fifty Shades of Grey: Do Dudes Even Care About E.L. James’ Steamy Trilogy?, the resounding answer was “no”. (3) One response from a 34 year-old business owner, summed it up.  “My wife is reading it right now.  I have no idea how it’s affecting our sex life.  I don’t know if it’s impacted it at all.  Maybe you should ask her.” Yet other sites have claimed that men are reaping the sexual benefits of their partner’s increased sexual desire, while not specifically reading the book themselves.

For those men who might not be so inclined to download it on their Kindle or i-pad, a special, shortened version  is available. Tom Paolangeli is the author of “A Guy’s Secret Guide to Fifty Shades of Grey”, a cliff note version of the original book by E.L.James written from a man’s perspective.   He advises, “Trust me – you do not want to read the book. It was written by a woman, for women. Most guys will find it dull, stupid, tiresome and waaaay too long. The ratio of tedious inner female monologue to sex scenes is about fifty shades of boring to one.”  But he also that by reading a few sections of the book, “…your odds of having hot sex with your sweetie will go up exponentially…” (4)

What does Dr. Oz think?

Recently, Dr. Oz offered his opinion regarding the impact of the E.L. James’ blockbuster trilogy.  “She has gotten people talking about sex in a way that no one else could get them to talk about it…. What it is about is people having an honest conversation about what sex should be like, what makes it feel better, what are the timing issues, how do we make it an important issue in our life rather than an afterthought.”

Well, Dr. Oz, I thought that was what my book, Healthy Sex Drive, Healthy You: What Your Libido Reveals About Your Life, was supposed to do!  Perhaps my book took on a too clinical and practical approach rather than a bondage and submission angle.  Maybe then my book would be on the New York best seller list, too.   Brings back vague memories of how I should have bought Starbuck’s stock back in the early 1990’s.

When will this “Fifty Shades” bonanza end? 

Not anytime soon.   Apparently, a movie series is in the making with the cast being set as we speak.  In addition, E L. James has chosen a company in the United Kingdom, Caroline Mickler Ltd, as the global licensing agent for merchandise based on her racy books with a line of Fifty-Shades’ based lingerie/sleepwear, apparel, fragrances, beauty products, bedding , etc.”.(5)    Sales of sex toys are sky-rocketing, including the sale of rope.

According to the New York Post, New York hardware stores have seen a run on sales of rope, and other bondage gear, bought by female fans of Fifty Shades (6).  Watch out for the soon-to-be shortage of  hand-cuffs and riding crops!!

Share your views on the book.   

Feel free to use an alias or your initials with your post.  It’s a tender topic and I respect your views and candor.

Has it impacted your sex life?  If so, in what way?

Has the frequency of sex increased for you and your partner?

Has your partner read it?

Citations:

1)   www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/26/fifty-shades-of-grey-names_n_1707842.html

2)   www.holisticwisdom.com/fifty-shades-james-sex-toys-bondage.htm.

3)   www.villagevoice.com/runninscared/2012/07/fifty_shades_of_gre_men_react.php

4)   www.amazon.com/Secret-Guide-Fifty-Shades-ebook/dp/8008080RDFRU

5)   www.theadvocate.com/utility/homepagestories/2675013-129/men-are-fans-too-of

6)  www.nypost.com/p/news/local/ny_gals_learning_the_ropes_at_fifty_sVWWKeksj9WKUto2ITg/KK

 


Filed Under: Benefits, Brain Differences, Challenges, Communication, Decreased Libido, Drive, Drive Differences, Exercise, Feng Shui, Fun!, Life-Balance, Partner, Physical Issues, Self-Care, Sexercises, Stress, Stress Relief, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Where is YOUR “Red Room”?

By Diana 2 Comments

Where is your “red room”?

If you could fantasize about having a hot, sexy encounter anywhere in the world, where would it be?

My last blog highlighted the nation’s infatuation with the female erotic novel, Fifty Shades of Grey. In this romantic novel, the virginal female protagonist, Anastasia Grey, engages in sexual encounters with the gorgeous, multifaceted male hero, Christian Grey. In his house, Christian and Anastasia explore the boundaries of their sexual relationship in a small, ….. coined, “ the red room”.

And while we might fantasize about having a “red room” built into our own homes, where else would you dream about fueling the fires of desire?

Can you guess what the #1 place was for women? For men?

An intriguing study, recently done by the Durex Corporation, posed this exact question to 1,000 American adults, ages 18 and older, between March 16- March 23, 2012. Interestingly, the Durex Corporation manufactures condoms and conducts multiple titillating trials on sexual health every year. In this particular study, called the InSync Study, the top tryst sites to “get it on” were surveyed.

What was the number one place for women? The Eifel Tower! Yes, the highest percentage of women interviewed, 33 percent, fantasized about a sexual rendezvous at this romantic icon nestled in the heart of Paris.

For men? Amazingly, the White House! Thirty-one percent of the men polled chose the site associated with extreme power — and where some of our past presidents have even engaged in romantic interludes.

How can we explain these results? Interestingly, quite easily. Women, in general, love romance. Just imagine hearing the sweet sound of French music playing in the background, the smell of….in the air, the slight breeze brushing across your cheeks, the taste of his gentle kiss as you both gaze upon the river Seine. Wow, even I was being carried away with that one!!

For men, sexual fantasy is more about power. The White House is the ultimate symbol of authority, respect and command of our nation.

Why do we fantasize about having sex in mysterious places? Because too many of our sex lives are in a “rut” and need some major resuscitation! In fact, half of Americans interviewed in this same study were dissatisfied with their bedroom escapades. Of respondents interviewed, 37% admitted that their intimate time ends far too quickly. On the flip side, 14% revealed that sex lasts longer than they would like.

Some good news…

Even before Fifty Shades of Grey hit the shelves and heated women’s sexual desires across the country, Americans were already becoming more adventurous in the bedroom. According to another study by Durex, called the Durex Global Sexual Wellbeing Survey , which interviewed over 29,000 adults, aged 18 and older, between Sept 6 and October 3, 2011, American couples are actually trying new things to spice it up and get more “in sync” in the bedroom. These included using new types of lubricants (53%), adult toys and aids (39%), and rings (11%).

Can’t fly to Paris or Washington, D.C.? Or build your own red room?

Well, here are some places to heat things up in your home.

Top 5 places to have sex – around the house!
1. In the shower. Lathering each other with body wash can get you both incredibly squeaky clean as well as get you feeling sensuous.
2. In the bath tub. If the shower sounds a bit too acrobatic, run a bubble bath, soak in the wonderful…. And give each other a foot massage. Then feel free to massage other places.
3. In the kitchen. Remember the scene from “The Mailman Always Rings Twice”? Maybe while cooking up a delicious meal with your honey, sipping a glass of wine, slowly stirring the garlic simmering in the olive oil… you get the drift!
4. In the backyard. Just make sure that there are some trees or other shrubs to obstruct your neighbor’s view!
5. In the laundry room… think spin cycle.

Citations:
1) InSync Study, Durex Corporation, http://www.prnewswire.com/news-releases/durex-survey-reveals-what-americans-really-want-in-the-bedroom-149464045.html
2) Durex Global Sexual Wellbeing Survey: http://www.durex.com/en-ca/sexualwellbeingsurvey.

Filed Under: Aphrodisiacs, Attraction-Chemistry, Being Present (Focus), Benefits, Challenges, Communication, Communication, Decreased Libido, Drive, Drive Differences, Fun!, Mars-Venus, Physical Needs, Recommended Reading, Sexercises, Stress Relief Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

What “Shade” Is YOUR Libido?

By Diana 3 Comments

Fifty Shades of Grey – Erotica meets BDSM… Healthy Sexual Fantasy or Flagrant Sexual Violence?

Not since the Kamasutra was released, has a book created such a stir, sexually speaking! The book is Fifty Shades of Grey – It’s name insinuates a multitude of meanings with sexual content raising eyebrows across the country. Some critics claim that the explicit scenes of bondage, discipline, sadism and masochism (BDSM) are “disturbing” and depict flagrant violence against women. Others have applauded the book for waking up the dormant sex drives of American women, who are buying up the book in droves, touting it as “Mommy Porn” and “Twilight for Adults”.

Having heard the numerous rumors , I felt compelled to explore what truly was being discussed at water coolers, book clubs, playgrounds, and senior citizen centers across the country.

Let’s start with a little history behind the book. Apparently, Fifty Shades of Grey, written by E.L. James, began as fan fiction of the “Twilight” series , and was independently published.(1) Through numerous social media networks, word of mouth, and women-centric blogs, the trilogy, Fifty Shades of Grey, Fifty Shades Darker, and Fifty Shades Freed, now occupies the top 3 spots on the New York Times Fiction List! As one would have predicted, the rights for the trilogy were recently acquired by Vintage Books for a seven-figure sum and plans for a star-studded Hollywood movie are in the making.

So why all the buzz?

Well, it has to do with the controversial topic of BDSM which does not routinely appear in romance novels. This book explores what it is that women are seeking within an intimate relationship. Is it to be submissive? Or be taken away? According to author, E.L. James, it’s probably a bit of both. Her protagonist, Anastasia Steele is a young and sexually naive college student who is seduced by a rich, powerful, bondage-loving billionaire, Christian Grey. Grey proposes a contract to Steele which would allow him complete control over her life, both inside and outside of the bedroom walls.

For many readers, the book is an unfolding romance of vulnerability that extends beyond the normal comfort zones of sexual experiences. Others claim that the explicit sexual scenes constitute a woman’s “rape fantasy”. This is where the controversy really starts to heat up. Do women truly want to be submissive and dominated by a man or do they want to merely fantasize about it?

Maybe, female readers relish in the fantasy of being dominated and controlled within the framework of the “red play room” while not agreeing to being dominated by men outside of this arena. According to Rachel Kramer Bussel, former sex columnist and editor of the Best Bondage Erotica of 2012, “it’s about consensually playing with power and eroticizing it in a safe environment.” (2)

What is erotica? Fifty Shades of Grey is the ultimate example of erotica, or romance fiction. Women are magnetized to this, rather than hard core porn. This lies in the fact that erotica and romance novels describe the written form of sexual intimacy, vulnerability and self-exploration. In fact, according to recent statistics, the romance genre generated approximately $1.37 billion ( yes, billion!) in sales, constituting the “single largest share of the fiction market.” In that same year, at least 74.8 million people read a romance novel, with over 90 percent being women. ( 3). Compare this to approximate 100 million men the US and Canada who accessed porn online in 2008. Amazingly, erotica now produces more revenue than does online pornography for men.

Why are women drawn to erotica? Let’s put on our science hats on for a minute. As we all know, men and women differ in many ways— in their sexual drives, sexual responses and stimuli for sexual arousal. In general, men are more visual creatures compared to women who are more auditory and imaginative. This helps explain why men gravitate towards hard core porn literally showing all the graphic details while women would rather ponder the romance, imagining how they might create the scene in their own heads. To put it bluntly, women want to imagine their sexual fantasy, linger in it and feel connected, appreciated and fully understood by the romantic hero. This differs greatly from porn, where there usually is not much story line or character development, but rather consists of impersonal , anonymous, orgasm-driven sex.

Deducing from the fact that so many women across the country are ravenously consuming this book there may be some things missing in our intimate relationships. Aside from reading romance novels, let me share some tips with you to spice up your sex drive and fill in some of the missing pieces.

1. Pamper yourself with some new perfume, new lingerie or hair-do. A small, subtle change can stimulate your libido and boost your self-confidence.
2. Start appreciating your body – stand in the mirror and look at your curves. Know that these curves make you a woman and attractive to your partner.
3. Focus on saying one positive comment about your body, everyday, starting now.

It’s amazing how you’ll feel a sexual shift just by affirming these positive statements. Whatever your belief may be, there is definitely one truth: this book is getting women talking about sex, and stirring up libidos – both in and out of the bedroom!

Have you read it yet? I want to hear your comments!

Citations:
1. James, E.L. Fifty Shades of Grey: Book One of the Fifty Shades Trilogy, Fifty Shades Darker: Book Two of the Fifty Shades Trilogy, Fifty Shades Freed: Book Three of the Fifty Shades Trilogy, Vintage Books, April 1, 2012
2. http://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2012/03/14/erotic-novel-50-shades-grey-unites-women-unnerves-some-men/
3. Ogas, Ogi and Gaddam, Sai. A Billion Wicked Thoughts: What the World’s Largest Experiment Reveals About Human Desire, Dutton: Penguin Books, USA, 2011

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , ,