Are you someone who can leave dirty dishes in the sink overnight… or even several nights? If you leave your bed unmade in the morning will you think about the unmade bed all day? What about camping? The idea of camping for some may be a campfire, a can opener and a sleeping bag. While others would insist on at least the addition of a tent and perhaps an air mattress. And still others would only consider camping if they were doing so in a Mercedes Benz motor home…or better yet, skip the motor home and book a room at the nearest Four Seasons Hotel.
So how do these differences impact and affect the relationships we have with ourselves, our intimate partner, our children, our family members, our co-workers and the people around us?
As human beings we each have certain personal preferences that determine our levels of “refinement.” Are you messy or are you neat? Are you practical or inflexible? Are you meticulous or low maintenance?
These personal preferences are not learned but are an innate part of our human molecular makeup. And they are not necessarily the same as someone else’s. They are one component of a transformational body of knowledge called The Knowledge of Y.O.U. (Your Own Understanding).
Identifying and understanding your personal preferences can and will determine your network of friends and boundaries of tolerance. It will also defuse a great deal of misunderstandings between you and your intimate partner, your children, your family members, your co-workers and the people around you.
The Knowledge of Y.O.U. (Your Own Understanding) calls these personal preferences Alchemy and uses the analogy of ore to describe the various levels of refinement: Gold, Silver and Copper. Now, this isn’t the Olympics, one is not better than the other –we are not all trying to attain a Gold Alchemy.
So let’s take a look at the various levels of refinement.
Individuals with a Gold Alchemy are extremely meticulous, particular and inflexible. Where they eat, what they eat, where they live and the kinds of creature comforts they select are usually of quality or mimic something of high quality.
In many cases, an individual with a Gold Alchemy can be labeled by others as someone having OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). When in fact, they are simply revealing a natural alchemical tolerance that happens to be highly refined.
Individuals with a Silver Alchemy are practical and adaptable. They can walk away from a messy room…are a little more flexible and make friends easily. Silvers are not messy but many have organized piles. In addition, they are quite versatile in terms of being able to exist in any environment without losing energy.
Individuals with a Copper Alchemy are natural, low maintenance and organic. Coppers often get a bad rap for being slobs and careless when in fact they simply thrive best in a lived-in environment. It reveals to them that life is being experienced here and this brings them a sense that they are participating in life.
Everyone’s Alchemy is perfect for them. However, when interacting in any relationship, alchemical incompatibility is the number one reason why relationships are challenged.
We each have a range of tolerance. When we overlook situations that put us outside of our tolerance zone, we accept a compromise and this costs us energy. In your intimate relationship, knowing both you and your partner’s Alchemy will do 3 things to optimize your relationship with each other:
- It will provide an understanding about why you each do the things you do and the way you do them.
- It will give you a language to use with each other that is objective, appropriate and respectful rather than judgmental, inappropriate and unkind.
- It will explain why and when it is that you give each other energy and/or perhaps take energy away from each other.
Let’s take a look at a couple I recently coached.
The woman has a Silver Alchemy and the man a Gold Alchemy. Although not their real names, I’ll call them Sue and Jim. Prior to each of them receiving an understanding about their individual Alchemy, Sue was constantly labeling Jim as a fussy perfectionist and Jim was continually telling Sue to put her “organized piles” away.
Jim always needs to purchase the best of the best and Sue is always weighing the practicality of the purchase. Jim definitely needs the dishes to be washed after every meal, to make his bed every morning and the Four Seasons Hotel is perfect for him. Sue on the other hand can put off washing the dishes till later, can leave the house without making the bed and the Marriott Hotel is refined enough for her.
A person’s Alchemy typically doesn’t change. Rather than suggest that Sue gain a fondness for the Four Season’s or Jim “settle” for the Marriott, I helped them both understand each other from an alchemical perspective.
This understanding of why they each do the things they do and the way in which they do them allowed awareness to replace frustration. A new respect for each other’s natural differences was revealed. Previous situations that had contributed to resentment build-up were now eliminated because they each now know the “why” in the equation.
Jim and Sue are now also able to identify when they either lose or gain energy in each other’s presence. Understanding their alchemical differences gives them a language to use that is filled with respect and honor. They have stopped putting energy into what is “wrong” with the other or trying to “change” the other and now acknowledge each other’s natural way of being.
Without a clear understanding of Alchemy, individuals are criticized and judged daily. Alchemy is just one component of your unique potential as revealed through The Knowledge of Y.O.U. (Your Own Understanding). Understanding Alchemy cleans the windows of your own perception of life and brings about a realization that everyone is perfect just the way they are. When we see this perfection, a collaborative exchange is achieved and health, wealth, love, and perfect self-expression become daily companions.
Today, it seems everything comes with an operating manual… from your new cell phone to the very car that you drive. The Knowledge of Y.O.U. provides an “operating manual” for the most important vehicle in your life… that is YOU. And no two people have the same operating manual.
Understanding and applying the information from your operating manual in your life will allow you to eliminate the misconceptions and judgment you may have about yourself and others. And you will be able to approach every relationship in your life with understanding, acceptance and peace of mind.
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